Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Randomize
