fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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