Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
