Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize