How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
