Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
