he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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