We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
