Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
