It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
