How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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