drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
