And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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