you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
