I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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