When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
