Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
She's the barista slut.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
