I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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