i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
