Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize