You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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