the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
