stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
