meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
