The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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