I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
