At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
And then he peed in my hair
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