hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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