Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
