Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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