Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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