If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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