I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
