I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
