can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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