That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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