No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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