I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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