just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
So much Jack, so little girl.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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