Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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