Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
