Will you blow on my dice?
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
