I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
