The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I think a kid would responsible me up
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
