So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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