fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
