She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
