Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Randomize
