sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
