All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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