Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Randomize
