You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
My apartment stinks of burning failure
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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