I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
