how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
