You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
We're too hungover to prance.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
