That's when you crack a 10am beer
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
