Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
