I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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