My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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