Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Is Oprah even human
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
