She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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