I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
