you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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