..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
