why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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