She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
