Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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