i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
The air taste purple.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
