Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
