he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
