I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
is wine microwaveable?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
