yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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