i think i have two assholes
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
