when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
