THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
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