Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
