Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Randomize
