I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Who died my cat blue again?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
