he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Randomize
