i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Randomize
