I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
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