the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
