I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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