would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
