Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
