I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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