He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
