and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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