pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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