Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
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