my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
