dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize