I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Randomize
