I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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